I run because I love food

This evening marked my final British Military Fitness session with the Prospect Park massive. It was a comfortable 13°C when I got out of the car, and spirits were running high…

…until Instructor Dan told us we were all doing the fitness assessment, due to lack of additional staff.

I actually thought it was a joke on me initially – what with it being my last session – but alas that was not to be. I was not happy, not least because I’d stuffed down a bowl of vegetable couscous less than 90 minutes before the class. I’d also successfully avoided doing the fitness assessment since February 2009, for fear of actually performing worse than on previous tests. Now I had no choice but to participate if I wanted to show my face at the pub afterwards.

After a good warm-up, we made our way to the corner of one of the football pitches. There must have been 35 of us, all grumbling about having to do the fitness test. But resistance was futile. We set off around the pitch, to do 4.5 laps amounting to 1,500m. This was a change from previous assessments, which have taken place on one of the other fields and involved two and a bit laps. I actually found it a lot easier to pace myself around the footie pitch and came in at 7:10mins. I was pretty sure this was a marked improvement on my previous time, so that gave me a bit of confidence.

That little bubble of confidence popped upon starting the press-ups. A new rule has been introduced for fitness assessments whereby your press-up only counts if your chest hits your partner’s fist, which is resting on the ground. If that doesn’t mean anything to you, just give it a go. Fecking difficult. I was completely incapable of more than three in the full press-up position, so I resorted to going down onto my knees. In this position, you have to do two to make it count for one towards the fitness assessment. I managed 56 of those in total, which of course counted for 28 plus the three full ones – 31 in two minutes.

Sit-ups were a bit better: 59 in two minutes. And burpees not bad: 47 in two minutes. Finally we moved onto the shuttle runs, and I completed my 15 shuttles in 1:18min.

I’ve just looked up my previous results as a point of comparison:

So, an improvement on all but the press-ups – the rules of which have shifted rather radically since my last assessment. I’m pretty pleased with that, and I have to admit I did enjoy it in the end.

So, farewell to my friends in Reading. In no particular order, I’ll miss:

• Instructor Steve, the bossman at Reading for keeping the class going, taking feedback on board, recruiting new instructors and increasing class numbers consistently during the past two years
• Instructor “did anyone see Loose Women/Deal or No Deal/Cash in the Attic this afternoon?” Dan. Seriously mate, Get. Out. More.
• Instructor “Charlie Fire Team MOVE…Delta Fire Team MOVE” Tom
• Instructor Johnny, who’s actually just a tiny bit scary when he has a cob on
• Geordie Mick, who likes to think of himself as a grumpy northern sod, but is actually a bit of a softie, someone who kept me going through those upper-red-and-green sessions every week with a few well-placed words of encouragement
• Silver fox Ryan, undisputed King of press-ups, but unfortunately Queen of alcoholic drinks. Anyone else fancy a whiskey and coke with a port chaser alongside their pie and mash?
• Cheeky monkey Marc – who has never knowingly made it through a warm-up without stopping to tie his shoelaces/stretch his calves
• The Lady of the House, Dawn, who’s just the nicest person ever to grace Prospect Park
• Sue, who’s up for any silly challenges that come her way. I think I tried to take her under my wing during one of her first sessions, then realised she was always going to be waaay fitter than me and really didn’t need my help
• Pint-sized powerhouse Leigh, a seven-stone slip of a thing who had to stagger around with me, a 10-stone-plus bloater, on her back more than once
• Resident geek Lee, whose Garmin I secretly covet after seeing the little playbacks of us running up and down the hill on t’internet
• Steve, who probably almost hit me on more than one occasion for whinging too much. Great taste in shoes though
• Jenny, whose tales of having a quick kip in the loos at work during the first 12 weeks of her pregnancy will stay with me forever. All the best for a happy and healthy baby to her and to…
• Kenton, who should be being paid by BritMilFit as a case study in how to lose weight and get fit. Way to go mate!
• And a whole host of other, often quieter people – among them Nick, Pete, Claire, Dan H, Rob, Mark, Tim, Tony, George and many many others – who help to make it such a fun and inclusive class.

So, taxi for one to Finsbury Park……..

Ta-ra.